


Write it on the Skyline

by bloubird_scribe



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Implied Larry (if you squint), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-11
Updated: 2013-02-11
Packaged: 2017-11-28 21:57:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/679311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloubird_scribe/pseuds/bloubird_scribe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The last words Harry said to him before they broke up were “I will never forget you Zayn, I will always remember you.”</p><p>Those words have stuck with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Write it on the Skyline

It’s been six months.

Zayn thinks he’s been doing okay, at least, okay enough to function. He isn’t thinking about him as much, by force, of course, but that’s neither here nor there. Aside from that, he’s managed to put the last of his things in a box and send them off with Niall to give back. He managed to answer at least two out of the ten phone calls he would receive from Liam everyday, though he doesn’t want to answer any at all, because really, Zayn’s okay.

He just needs closure.

So when it’s one of those nights when he’s drinking tea before bed and mulling over the word “mutual” - a word that’s now bittersweet - he decides he can start his journey to closure himself.

He digs around his school bag and takes out a notebook, flipping to a blank sheet and uses his favorite black pen. It writes smoothly and Zayn feels like his best handwriting comes from that pen.

“I will never forget you Zayn, I will always remember you.”

He winces as the words play in his head, but uses them as a muse. He bites down hard on his lower lip and bends his head to his work. He thinks carefully over each word, makes sure that each line is to his liking and then reads it over.

“For my forgetful Darling Dearest-…  
Remember the important things  
Like  
Five sugars in my morning tea  
And  
The smell of cookies baking  
The warmth of our fort -  
\- our private escape.  
Your dimples as you smile  
And how  
Burnt toast makes us cringe.  
Don’t forget how  
We fit like puzzle pieces,  
Slot together impeccably.  
That  
Your smile is brighter than any sun,  
A sun that warms me up.  
Please keep in mind  
That though we are over  
We are truly never ending  
And that  
My heart will always have your name on it  
Like a tattoo with ink to skin.  
Remember that  
No matter how far my feet may take me  
I will always  
Come back to you.  
Remember the important things  
Like  
Two shots of milk in your tea  
The red paint on your trousers -  
-from my thumb  
The touch of the palms of our hands  
As you held mine in yours.”

He’s satisfied. It’ll have to do. So he folds it up and stuffs it into an envelope and writes down his address - no need for a return address, he’ll know it’s from Zayn anyway - and places it by his keys downstairs on the kitchen counter so he’ll know to take it with him in the morning.

One more cup of tea and Zayn decides he’s too tired. So he crashes on the couch, feeling safer there than his bed full of memories.

Afterall, it’s almost Christmas, and Christmas should be happy.

-*-

Day 730 out of 730.

“It’s our two year anniversary, you know.” Zayn says. Though Harry already knows.

“I know it is baby. We celebrated last night, remember? Champagne and sex on the balcony.” His tone is too cheery.

“I know. I remember, it’s just…I don’t want this to be over. I really don’t.”

Harry stops his movements and smiles sadly at Zayn. “I don’t want it to end either, babe. You know I don’t, but we agreed and…it will be okay.”

He still can’t handle that. He pauses to regain his composure for a moment, then, “Harry…are you sure this will be okay for us? Are you sure this will be fine?” Zayn asks.

Harry smiles. It’s not a sad smile, more of a hopeful one. “Of course. I told you, I love you. This will be okay.”

“Okay.” Zayn says. His voice cracks and it sounds so small and scared.

“Zayn…don’t,” Harry pleads. He sits Zayn on the bed and kneels in front of him. “We’ve been dating for two years, and they’ve been the best two years of my life. I’m not leaving because I don’t love you anymore, because I do love you, loads, it’s just…maybe it’s time we get some space. Maybe it’s time that we take some time apart. Understand? We’ll be okay, Zayn. I promise you that we will be okay.”

Though Harry sounds convincing, Zayn can’t help but acknowledge the doubt in his stomach and tears well in his eyes. Harry frowns now, and reaches out to thumb his tears away. He tips Zayn’s face up, one hand on his cheek, the other on his hip, and presses their lips together. Zayn knows he’s crying too because he can feel Harry’s tears mix with his own as their lips slot together and move with passion and what feels like a goodbye.

Harry pulls away before he can lose his control, and smiles at Zayn. “I will never forget you Zayn, I will always remember you.”

Zayn smiles at that and doesn’t move from his spot, standing in the middle of their - now his bedroom. Harry grabs his duffel and slings it over his shoulder, gives Zayn one last sad smile and then he’s gone.

Zayn waits until he hears the front door shut downstairs and for Harry’s car to go out the driveway. Then he breaks out into sobs.

He doesn’t leave the house for a week.

-*-

“Zayn, pass me a biscuit, will you?” Liam asks, hand extended out, palm up. His eyes are glued to his laptop and his other hand is typing away. Zayn sighs, sets his book and highlighter aside.

“Here.” He says, handing the treat over. “You know, you don’t have to work so hard on that paper, Liam. It’s not due for another month.”

Liam shrugs. “I know, but I just want to get it over with while I still can. Niall’s finished his already, you know.”

“That’s because he’s Irish.” Zayn says, and lays back into the couch. They’re in Liam and Danielle’s flat. Danielle’s out at her Dance Level III lesson and Niall’s at his culinary lesson and Zayn just needs a quiet place to re-read “The Great Gatsby” for his English/Literature lesson.

Zayn’s always thankful for the fact that he can find a quiet place with Liam, even if he calls too bloody much, Zayn knows its just because he’s concerned. It’s been a few weeks since he’s mailed Harry that poem.

He realizes that he’s not told the boys. Or the girls. Afterall, it’s a few weeks after that massive New Years party, and not to mention they threw Zayn a party for his birthday not long after, and they all needed rest after that much alcohol.

Danielle would be happy, and Eleanor, he knows that she’ll be happy. Zayn’s thankful that Eleanor is around. Though he met her through Harry, he enjoys her company enough that how he met her isn’t an issue. She’s like the twin sister he never had. He’s glad that she’s still around. And Perrie would be happy too, she was always a guardian of Zayn’s heart.

Liam, Niall, Danielle, Eleanor, and Perrie. The five people who helped Zayn these past six months through the worst mutual heartbreak he’d ever experienced.

Yeah. They deserved to know.

——

That night, he calls the five of them over for takeaway and a movie. Easiest setting to discuss his issues.

The coffee table’s against the wall and they’re all sat on the living room floor amongst pillows and afghans and tea and various boxes of Chinese takeaway. Liam and Danielle are sitting next to each other and sharing a box of noodles, Perrie’s attempting to keep her food away from Niall, and Eleanor’s sitting next to Zayn eating her box.

She pats his leg twice. That means she has news too. “So, I have a boyfriend now.”

Zayn raises a brow, feeling his brotherly protective instincts begin to stir. “And his name is? Age? Birthdate? Social security number? Background check? Any STDs, crazy ex girlfriends?”

“Zayn!” She chastises. “I’m not Donyia, for goodness sake. I’ve already covered that and he’s a surefire option. You’ll like him.”

“Hm. When am I meeting him?”

“Well…that’s the thing. I want to be around him for awhile before I introduce you two.”

“How long is awhile?” Zayn asks. He looks at Perrie, who’s got Niall in a headlock, before turning back to Eleanor.

“A year?”

“A year El? No.” He says, his voice stern.

She rolled her eyes. “Listen. Remember Danny’s last girlfriend?”

“Adelia, what about her?”

“Remember how he didn’t introduce her to any of us for a year? Said it was something he had heard about. Keeping them around for a year to get to know you and how you are, then when the year is up they get to know the environment you’re in and the people who you trust. It makes for a strong and trusting foundation in the relationship and the significant other, and it makes them feel more comfortable with proving themselves to be ‘adequate’ to those who surround their other half.”

Zayn mulls this over, over a bite of Kung Pao chicken. “Does he have to do the same?”

“Not necessarily, but I’ve already explained that this is what I want to do with him. He says it’s okay. Doesn’t mind it. And he knows you want to meet him. So when the year is up, he says that you’ll be the first person we go to meet.”

“Oh, so he is smart, then.” Zayn jokes, smiling widely. Eleanor rolls her eyes and shoves him playfully.

“Yes, I’ll have you know that not only is he a drama major, but he’s well experienced in poetry and literature.”

“Well then, I suppose he’s got one vote. Shall we given him a code name? I’d feel weird referring to the lad as ‘him, he,’ or ‘the lad,’ you know.”

Eleanor nods, and mulls it over. “Call him Tommy.”

“Tommy.” Zayn states, almost like a question.

She nods with a smile, “Bit of a play on his nickname, you’ll see. And he loves Power Rangers. So…another point?”

Zayn gives her an approving smile, then he clears his throat to the room at large, and they all look at him expectantly. “So uh, I did something a few weeks ago, you all might be proud.”

Niall raises an eyebrow. “You got laid?”

“Niall!” Liam and Perrie scold.

“Did you meet someone?” Danielle questions politely.

“You did, didn’t you?! And I wasn’t told?!” Eleanor cries dramatically, placing a hand over her heart.

Zayn sighs in annoyance, and a bit of fondness, at all of them. “No, none of those things. I um, I sent something to Harry. A poem.”

They’re silent again.

“A poem? Like…what kind?” Perrie asks slowly. Zayn knows they’re all hesitant to even bring him up.

“A goodbye kind of thing. Just…I thought I needed closure you know? Can’t be quiet about it, might as well do something.”

A few nods and murmurs of approval resonate, and then “So…you’re okay then?” From Liam.

Zayn nods and Eleanor ruffles his hair, since it’s not in its normal quiff. He makes a noise of approval when her fingers massage his scalp. “I’m happy for you, Zaynub.” She says softly.

He’s kind of happy too.

-*-

Day 365 out of 730.

They’re laying in Harry’s backyard at the bungalow his family owns. It’s just the two of them. His parents are away on a holiday for the week and since it’s summer, and their one year anniversary, both boys are quiet thankful for the privacy.

Zayn’s resting on top of Harry, one hand laced with his, and the other hand resting on Harry’s shoulder. Harry’s free hand in in Zayn’s hair, gently raking through and pulling every other motion.

“Happy one year anniversary, again, baby.” Zayn murmurs.

Harry looks down at Zayn and smiles. “Happy anniversary to you too, baby. Ready for dinner soon?”

“Yes.” He answered, pecking Harry’s jaw. They headed inside and washed up, and as Harry began dinner, Zayn snuck back outside and near the firepit. He found a small tub of chalk and he took out the green one. Sure, it wasn’t as green as Harry’s eyes, but it was the thought and relevance that counted.

He sat down on his bum and folded his legs, leaning forward and absentmindedly began to draw swirls and doodles on the pavement, but then one of the loops formed into the letter “H.”

Zayn smiled, filling in the rest of Harry’s name before he continued to write his thoughts down.

“My heart is at home in your hands  
Hands with nimble fingers  
That lace perfectly with mine like puzzle pieces  
You’re the missing piece  
Of every puzzle ever left incomplete  
You’re the end of the sentences  
The sentences left unfinished  
You are what should be said  
Of things ever unsaid  
You make life whole.”

Harry came out then, as he finished, and stood behind Zayn silently. He read his poem as Zayn began to doodle again.

“You make life whole.” Harry said aloud.

Zayn jumped slightly, and spun around. “Harry!” He smiled. Harry sat down next to him and went over each letter with his finger, before lacing his fingers with Zayn.

Harry squeezed his hand before smearing some of the chalk powder on Zayn’s nose. He smiled brightly. “Write me more poems, okay babe?”

-*-

It’s been nearly a month and a half since he’s sent the poem.

Seven and a half months since he’s seen Harry, since they’ve said goodbye.

He’s gotten no reply, no form of a reply at all. Indirect contact, direct contact, a letter, a text, a phone call, a pigeon messenger, nothing. He didn’t get a “Happy Birthday” from Harry, and Zayn didn’t exactly give one out either when his birthday came. It’s a bit after Valentine’s Day now - that was a shit day to go through - and there still isn’t anything.

And yeah, he’s worried. So he asks the only person who keeps in contact with Harry, and that’s Niall.

Niall’s not one to choose sides, none of his friends are, but Liam and Danielle and Perrie took Zayn’s side, even Eleanor, who was friends with Harry first took Zayn’s side, and Niall was Switzerland. He had been friends with both Zayn and Harry for the same amount of time and he didn’t feel right abandoning either of them.

So Zayn knew that though Niall was around him more, he still saw Harry now and again. There was a party last night at Josh’s lake house, he figured Niall might have seen Harry there.

“Yeah, uh…Harry was there.”

See.

“Oh, well uh…did he…did he get my poem? Or…did he mention it?” Zayn asked. He had no reason to be hesitant. He knew that Niall knew he just wanted the answer, but he couldn’t help but beat around the bush a bit.

Niall frowned, shifted his feet and sat up from laying on the grass in his backyard. “Yeah. Yeah, he got the poem.”

“And?” Zayn had half a mind to whack him in his stomach.

“Zayn.” Liam warned from his place on the grass. Zayn shot him a look.

Niall looked at his lap. “Zayn when he uh…when he got to the party. He was with someone.”

“Niall!” Liam scolded.

“A guy.” Niall finished.

Zayn blinked. “Oh. I see. And you both went?”

“I hadn’t seen Josh in a bit. I didn’t think Harry would be there, and Niall, don’t say anymore.” Liam explained.

Zayn looked wounded.

“He needs to know the truth, Liam!” Niall turned to Zayn. “From the looks of it, they were pretty cozy. Don’t remember the guy’s name, Harry just said it was his mate. They did that thing you and him used to do, whisper to each other a lot. And when I asked about your poem, all he said was that he got it. Didn’t say much else about it.”

“Uh huh.” Zayn said, his throat tightening.

Niall frowned, as if he were guilty. “I’m sorry Zayn. I really am.”

He didn’t respond, just carded his fingers through Niall’s hair, and Niall made a small noise of approval, knowing that it was okay.

Liam frowned from his place. “Zayn, that may be true, but even Niall would agree that it wasn’t the same. He didn’t look at that bloke like how he looked at you. He is still in love with you. It’s written all over his face. The fact that he could barely say your name without choking up is evidence too!”

Zayn smiled. Liam was a good friend. “Okay.” He said, and bumped Liam with his elbow.

-*-

Day 483 out of 730.

They’re lying in bed, sated and sleepy and naked. Zayn can hear Harry’s heart beating through his chest.

“What’s wrong?”

Harry digs his fingers into Zayn’s hips. “I don’t ever want to leave you, is all. I don’t want to leave moments like these behind.”

Zayn kisses Harry’s nose. “So don’t.”

-*-

It’s been a week since that talk with Niall and Liam, and Zayn has absolutely had it. He can’t be okay one minute and then back to shit the next. That isn’t him. It never has been. He’s had moody days, sure, but even those don’t fluctuate his emotions like a fucking mood ring. No, this is absurd. He isn’t a pregnant woman with mood swings or like a girl on her period with bitch fits. He’s a capable male, who is strong and dammit, he’s going to prove it.

He’s going to get and keep his mind off of Harry Styles.

Because despite what Liam said, he knows Harry doesn’t still love him. Figures it can’t be true if he can’t even send back a response. Even a fucking “K.” would do, and Zayn hates that response with a burning flame.

He goes into his closet and searches the top shelf and feels around blindly for a moment before finding the case. He takes it down and dusts it off then puts it in his backpack, along with an old flannel, a water bottle, a few pencils and pens and sharpies, and his headphones. He shrugs on an old and tattered gray shirt, and worn joggers, locks up his flat, hops on his motorcycle, and heads down to Danny and Ant’s.

When he walks through the front door of the studio, he’s bombarded by tight hugs and rushed words of ohZayn, wemissedyousomuch, pleasedontleaveagain. Zayn sighed heavily and hugged back.

“Danny, Anthony, Melissa, I’m fine. Okay? I just came for a canvas and some quiet.”

Melissa smiled sadly at him. “I know Zayn, I’m sorry.”

“I’m not!” Anthony interjected. “It’s been over seven months since I’ve seen you last mate. You kind of have to call every now and then you know.”

Zayn frowned, “I…I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.”

Danny pat him on the back, led him to the paint room and toward an open canvas. “It’s okay, mate. We all need time. You’re here now, the canvas is here. We’ll be out front if you need us. No rush.”

Zayn nodded and Danny left. He stared at the blanks canvas and sighed. He hadn’t seen Danny, Ant, or Melissa since the end of his relationship with Harry. The four of them had been working at Danny and Ant’s Art Shop since Danny got his degree in Art Therapy, but then Zayn sent in his resignation and got lost in his heartbreak.

He opened his backpack and plugged his headphones into his iPhone and hit play. When Drake said he could “see it in your eyes, you’re angry.” he exhaled a breath he wasn’t aware that he was holding in. He pulled out the case next and opened it up, his paints and brushes greeting his eyes. He set them on a palette, then placed the palette on the little stand next to the easel. Zayn went to the sink, got a cup of water, and pulled out his pens and pencils and sharpies next, placing those on the stand as well. When he had his flannel on, Zayn picked up a pencil, and began.

First, he divided the canvas into three even horizontal sections, and worked on the upper third first. The skyline, he decided. He began a petal. A soft shaped petal that formed into a rose, and a rose became roses. They weren’t crowded together, spaced out reasonably. And where the stems were placed, he put vines. And they were interwoven, so very intricately even Niall couldn’t untie them if he tried.

He lowered his hand and sighed. It was beautiful, yes, but this was therapy. Poetry didn’t work, art needed to. And so he gave the vines thorns, because roses need thorns, and gave the ends of the vines a lumpy yet smooth finish, resembling clouds. His skyline. Perfect, but if you looked close enough, a bit frightening.

And the middle section became a rooftop from a peripheral view. He drew a person laying on their back, looking at the skyline, with their knees up, and hands on their stomach. The bottom section showed the top floor of the house, and the window into said person’s room. The curtains blowing in the wind, the room lit by a single candle.

Zayn was happy with his work, satisfied that he was still able to communicate through design. He’d been with poetry longer than he’d like to admit, and it was nice to express through the stroke of a pencil or a brush again instead of through somber words and properly phrased lines and plays on words.

It took him awhile to get the right hues of blue for his skyline and red for his roses, the right shade of black (there are many) for his roof, and the perfect glow of orange for his candle. When he finished his piece, he washed his brushes and his palette, placed his canvas to dry, and packed his belongings up into his backpack, balling up his flannel and throwing it into his bag.

He said a heartfelt goodbye to Danny and Ant and Melissa, and when he got back home, Eleanor was waiting for him with Chinese takeaway, KFC, and steaming cups of tea.

Best friends were amazing.

When it counted.

-*-

Day 7 out of 730.

“I’m dating my best friend.” Harry said to Gemma and Donyia. He squeezed Zayn’s hand tightly and chanced a glance, before looking back to their sisters.

He cleared his throat. “I’m in love with Zayn. He’s in love with me. And he’s my best friend.”

Donyia rolled her eyes. “Are you two quite finished?”

“We’ve got a pizza to eat.” Gemma agreed.

Zayn and Harry smiled. They had just come out to their sisters. And they didn’t even react negatively. They said okay. They just said okay. That was the best possible okay he’d ever received.

Zayn was in love with his best friend.

Is in love with his best friend.

-*-

Eleanor rings his doorbell a week later, only he doesn’t answer.

He’s at the art studio. He’s been there for the past week everyday, and he’s finding it really easy to just let out his pent up emotions. Once they dry, he starts hanging up his paintings on the walls of his bedroom, and he’s even started up work at the studio again as well, per request of Danny. Zayn leaves his home by seven every morning, and doesn’t get back home til ten or eleven. Because of his long hours at the studio, he hasn’t properly hung out with anyone.

And Eleanor tracks him down quite quickly.

“There you are! I didn’t know you came back to the studio.” She says. She sounds surprised, and slightly annoyed.

Zayn blushes, shifts on his stool. “Yeah, sorry. I know I’m rubbish at keeping I contact with people when I zone out.”

Eleanor rolls her eyes. “You think I don’t know this? Here. Breakfast. Since it’s only nine.”

He takes the lunchbox and smiles. It’s homemade breakfast, Zayn can tell. It’s El’s famous chicken, egg, and cheese breakfast fajitas, the ones he practically thrived on for most of sixth form. She rarely makes them anymore now, so Zayn knows that she’s doing this to make him feel guilty for going ghost on everyone…again.

“And Starbucks. Your favorite.” She says, taking out the coffee cup. It’s a cinnamon dolce latte, and after his first sip he knows it’s divine. So Zayn pulls up a chair and Eleanor sits down, staring at his canvas.

“It’s…is that what I think it is? Where I think it is, to be specific.” She questions, pointing at his illustration.

Zayn nods, fingers trailing over the edges. “Yeah. The courtyard. I tried to do it as best as I could.”

The courtyard wasn’t exactly a courtyard. It was an open field in Kent. They had found it accidentally on a road trip, they meaning Harry, himself, Eleanor, Danielle, Liam, Perrie, and Niall. They began calling it the courtyard because Liam had called it that instead of a field by accident, and the name stuck. The seven of them had piled into a rented van with sleeping bags and tents and other camping gear, and headed out to Scotland. For what, they weren’t exactly sure, but they found the field, and there was a lake nearby, and they ended up staying for three nights.

They were the funniest, happiest, most memorable three nights of Zayn’s life.

They hadn’t been able to go back and find it, because a month later, he and Harry broke up and things went awry. The courtyard was the last happy moments Zayn had, and he held on to them, cherished them greatly.

His canvas depicted, in a panoramic view, the field with the large open spaces, rolling hills, the slot of trees that led to the lake, with the tire swing they’d hung up, and he’d even incorporated the little carving of their names in the tree, though you couldn’t see it quite well, and the amazing sunrise that greeted them on their first morning.

Eleanor rubbed Zayn’s back and squeezed his shoulder. “I love it, I love it a lot. And if it’s any consolation, I miss it, too.”

“We should uh…go back sometime, you know? When things get better.”

She nodded, smiling. “Of course we will. I promise. But listen, I have to go, I promised I’d meet up with, uh, Tommy, for breakfast. Will you be okay here? We can go out for lunch later, if you want.”

“Yeah, yeah okay. I’d like that.” Zayn says, smiling.

Eleanor gives him one right back, then tweaks his nipple. When Zayn cries out slightly in pain, she says “That’s for ignoring us. We thought you were dead.”

-*-

Day 700 out of 730.

It’s in the early morning hours of their last day of their unexpected stay at the courtyard. Everyone else is asleep, and normally Zayn would be too, but he’s not. He rolls on his side to face Harry and his eyes widen slightly when he finds that Harry’s awake too.

“Okay?” He murmurs, ruffling Harry’s sleep-messy curls.

He nods, green eyes tired. “Yeah, just don’t wanna go back yet, you know? Like it here. Wanna stay.”

Zayn nods, and Harry leans forward quickly, pressing a soft, yet passionate kiss to Zayn’s lips and Zayn encourages him, pressing their bodies together tightly.

Harry’s wraps his long arms around Zayn and buries his face in the crook of Zayn’s neck. Zayn can feel him pressing kisses there and it lulls the both of them back to sleep.

-*-

The art’s been helping a lot but Zayn wants more. He likes being busy, doesn’t mind the distraction and when he asks if he can start taking guitar lessons with Niall after St. Patrick’s day rolls around, everyone agrees that it’s a good idea. That way at least, one of them knows he’s not hiding away.

Guitar lessons are every Wednesday and Thursday afternoon for an hour and a half. Niall’s already brilliant at guitar, but he feels like since he’s YouTube taught that he wants the proper teaching. Plus, he’s always hyper, and when he’s at a standstill he shakes, his hands shake and it’s annoying to him, and the guitar can keep him calm.

After a couple lessons, Zayn’s feeling great. He buys his own acoustic, a Taylor grand concert, 312ce-N-LTD, according to Niall, and Zayn loves it a lot. It sounds amazing and it feels awesome to play. Niall and Zayn have jam sessions and Liam will come by sometimes, listen and sings along with them, it’s proper fun.

One lesson, Zayn plays an acoustic of a song he heard a few days ago in the art shop. Niall’s watching him, curious. Zayn puts his capo on one and thinks for a bit before he comes up with Em, G, D, C, and when he plays the pre-chorus of C, D, Em, D - though he’s not quite sure if that’s right - Niall starts to sing along.

“And now, all is done there is nothing to say, you have gone and so effortlessly, you have won, you can go ahead and tell them…”

Zayn stops, though Niall keeps humming it. “What’s that song? I’ve only heard it once.”

Niall shrugs. “Think it’s called ‘Impossible.’ Forget who it’s by. Good tune though innit?”

“Yeah. It is.” Zayn agrees.

That night he looks it up and find out its by a woman called Shontelle. He learns the rest of the chords, and decides he’d show everyone the song later.

Another time, it’s after a Thursday lesson and Liam and Danielle pick them up so they can go out for dinner with Perrie and Eleanor, and Niall’s humming a tune that Zayn knows and he smiles.

“Well I can see it in your eyes you’re angry.” Niall hums, and Zayn follows under his harmony, “Regret got shit on what you’re feeling now.”

Danielle smiles from the front seat and gives Liam a look. He smiles too, and Niall and Zayn keep singing.

-*-

Day 105 out of 730.

“Why didn’t you tell me you could sing, Zayn?”

Zayn is half asleep when Harry, with his front pressed against Zayn’s back, whispers this into his ear.

He turns, brows furrowed. “What are you talking about?”

“I mean, I knew you could. I just didn’t know you could sing like //that.//”

“Like what, baby?”

Harry purses his lips. “I heard you singing in the shower earlier. You’re really good. Why didn’t you tell me you could sing like that?”

He shrugs. “You sing better than I do, anyway. It’s no big deal.”

Harry doesn’t say anything for a moment, and Zayn thinks he’s fallen asleep. He kisses him to check, and Harry responds, kissing back and digging his fingers into Zayn’s hips. They share a few more and Zayn shifts back over, his back to Harry’s front.

“Sing for me someday, okay Zayn? Just for me. Promise?”

“Yeah, I swear Harry. I promise.” Zayn says sincerely. Harry grins, and burrows his face in Zayn’s neck, breathes deeply.

-*-

Perrie’s over just chilling and relaxing, when she points to Zayn’s closet door and says, “What is that?”

Zayn looks at his door and sighs. “A hole.”

“I get that, but why is it there?”

“I punched it there.”

Perrie blinks at him. “You punched a hole in your closet door? Why? When?”

Shrugging, Zayn says “I was having a moody day, maybe three days ago? Didn’t wanna hit the wall.”

Perrie tells everyone else about the hole. Liam goes to check it out one movie & takeaway night, and he’s not angry, but impressed.

“You know, that hole’s a decent size. Your fist has power. Maybe you should take boxing with me, it’ll help with your moody days. It’s not all punches and stuff, there’s methods for keeping cool and stress relievers.”

“I don’t know. I’m already at the studio everyday and I have Wednesday and Thursday nights for guitar with Niall. I’m not sure I want to sign up for boxing.”

Liam doesn’t miss a beat, won’t let Zayn say no. “I’ll teach you. I mean, I taught you how to swim and how to dance, it should be fine.”

Zayn rolls his eyes. “With Danielle’s help, you taught me how to dance, and I still don’t know how to swim properly.”

“That’s because you’re too lazy to keep up. Seriously Zayn, I’ll teach you. That way we won’t have to deal with any more broken doors, and your moody days will be a little better.”

Zayn agrees. “I mean, maybe a little fitness won’t kill me. Besides, it’s you, so if anything I’ll just hit you.”

“You’re not hitting my boyfriend, Malik.” Danielle says, coming into the room.

With a smile, he says “I’d let you hit him first anyway, Dani.”

They high five and Liam sighs. “You lot are terrible.”

-*-

Day 93 out of 730.

Harry has his hands on Zayn’s waist, and Zayn’s arms are around his neck. They’re swaying to “Rest of My Life” by Bruno Mars and Harry’s giggling like a schoolgirl.

“Sorry.” He says when he steps on Zayn’s feet by accident, and the music stops. Danielle has a small smile on her face, and Liam’s trying so hard not to burst out in laughter.

Zayn glares at Liam, silencing him, then turns back to Harry’s and frowns. “How come I have to be the girl and follow?”

Harry presses a kiss to his forehead. “This is your first lesson. Just relax.”

“Yeah. When you get more comfortable, then you can take Harry’s role as the male and lead.” Danielle encourages.

Zayn lets out a small noise of protest. “That’s not…I thought you were supposed to be teaching me to dance, Liam!”

Liam shakes his head. “I am helping! I’m watching and I’ll step in when needed. Ballroom dancing or traditional wedding dancing in Danielle’s area of expertise.”

“Wedding dan-hang on a mo! We aren’t getting married, there isn’t a need for this yet!” Zayn splutters, and Harry laughs, catching his words in a kiss.

“You hush darling, we aren’t getting married yet. But who knows? This could come in handy soon. Let’s try again, okay? Play the track back, please Dani.”

-*-

Zayn frowns, staring at his friends who are sort of overbearing today. He whines out, “Why are you lot molly-coddling me today? I didn’t do anything.”

Danielle shakes her head, and Eleanor pressed a kiss to Zayn’s forehead. “Nothing darling, just treating you to breakfast.”

“Shouldn’t you be treating Tommy to breakfast?” He mutters in annoyance, and Perrie thwacks him on the arm.

“Oi! You hush and eat your fajitas.” She says, but starts rubbing his arm gently.

Zayn looks at Niall and Liam, and they don’t say anything. Danny and Anthony are here too, eating quietly beside him and discussing with Niall and Liam. Melissa’s distracted herself on purpose, asking Eleanor about chocolate biscuits and Party Rings.

He feels like a child. His eight best friends - which is a lot, he knows - are all here for no reason, literally no reason, he feels, and they’re acting weird and babying him and it’s nice, but not so nice simultaneously. Months have passed now, and with the art studio, guitar lessons, and work outs with Liam, things have only gotten better.

It can’t be because of his paintings, because everyone has been saying how he’s been getting better, going back to his old talents. Niall says that he’s been smashing his guitar abilities lately, and he’s happy. It’s summer, which has been giving him more initiative to go out and work out with Liam. He’s been building muscles, and they aren’t that big. Maybe it’s the tattoos. He has quite a few now, almost a full sleeve. Eighteen, he thinks he has. That’s not too crazy, right?

“Guys listen, whatever this is about, it can stop, okay? I won’t get anymore tattoos, I’ll stop singing in the shower or whatever, can someone just please tell me what the fucking is going on?”

The kitchen falls silent, and no one looks at Zayn. He follows Niall’s sympathetic gaze, and it leads him to the calendar hanging on the doorway. He’s confused as to why it’s causing Niall to look so pained, but then he realizes.

It’s July.

The twenty third of July.

And oh.

It’s he and Harry’s what-should-be three year anniversary.

“I see.” He says, and everyone slowly looks at him. Eleanor gives him a shy and pitiful glance.

“We’re sorry. We just didn’t want you to-” She starts, but Zayn’s giggling. His giggles build up, turn to full blown laughs, and then he’s doubled over in laughter and tears are streaming down his face and everyone is staring at him because what the fuck.

“Is it time to call his mum? Or a therapist? Or a psych ward?” Anthony questions, and Zayn’s laughter starts to die down.

“You guys are sweet, really. But I’m okay.”

Niall blankly stares at him. “You’re okay?”

He nods. “It’s been a year, guys. I’ve been fine. Things are fine, really.”

Melissa runs her teeth over her bottom lip, and rests a hand on his shoulder. “You’re really okay? Sincerely?”

He nods again, and Eleanor runs over, hugging him tightly. “I love you, Zayn.”

“I love you too, El. I love all of you guys, really. Now enough of this, can we please just go do something?”

They all nod and mutter in agreement, and Danielle places a hand onn his and Niall’s shoulders as everyone migrates to the living room. “In that case, I need you lot for your beautiful artistic creativity.”

Zayn smiles. “For?”

“The Honeypot’s having a party for their third year of being open. They’re looking for art students to hang their paintings, for like a mock gallery display, and for people to perform for entertainment. Would you and Niall like to contribute?”

Niall mulls it over a bit, gives Zayn a questioning look. “I don’t mind playing something if Zayn doesn’t mind.”

“I don’t.” Zayn says. He loves The Honeypot. It’s the cafe on the university’s campus that’s sort of better than Starbucks, and it serves things from Argo Tea, a tea shop in the states that Zayn is thankful that they have here. Danielle, Eleanor, Zayn, and Liam have all worked there at one point in time. Danielle still works there, only part time due to her studio hours, and Zayn wouldn’t mind performing for his favorite coffee shop.

She smiles and claps her hands together. “Great! It’s two weeks from this Friday! Think you boys can manage a bit?”

“Sure.” Zayn says. “I can get some of my pieces to you in a week or so, I just have to look over them.”

Niall smiles now, bounds off over to Zayn and hugs him tightly. “This is going to be fantastic!”

-*-

Day 1 out of 730.

“Zayn you don’t understand, three years from now I want to be able to look into your eyes and tell you that I love you, and I want you to remember this day because I am asking you if you will please be my boyfriend.”

Zayn’s heart stops for a bit, and he smiles. “Of course, Harry.” He says. “Of course I’ll be with you. But only on one condition.”

Harry smiles widely, his jade eyes twinkling with happiness and dimples at the corner of his lips. “Anything, anything at all.”

“Say we are together three years from now in your little fantasy, if I say yes to you today, you have to promise me that three years from now, you’ll still love me.”

Harry nods eagerly, curls bouncing on his head, and swallows Zayn’s “yes” in a kiss.

-*-

It’s the day of the gig at the Honeypot. Zayn’s not nervous, well, not exactly. Niall’s happy and excited, and it calms him down a bit. Several of Zayn’s paintings are on the wall by the stage, including his first piece he made when he went back to Danny and Ant’s, and The Courtyard, as well as a painting he finished two days ago, in honor of his friends.

It’s a normal sized canvas, and a simple illustration, really, just his kitchen, and his kitchen table with ten chairs around it, for his eight best friends, himself, and that extra chair - just incase a certain curly boy were to sit there again in the future. In the middle of the table, there’s a plate of Eleanor’s famous fajitas, and on the counter, there’s Perrie’s favorite mug that she uses when she comes over. Danielle and Liam’s afghan that they use when they cuddle on his couch is draped over the back of their two chairs, and Niall’s capo is in the bowl where Zayn puts his keys and spare change. Danny’s favorite scented candle is perched on the window sill, a wisp of smoke there as if it’s just been blown out, and next to it is the little cookie jar Melissa bought him as a present when he first moved in. On the fridge, there’s a Power Ranger magnet that Anthony got Zayn for his nineteenth birthday, and next to that is a small magnet. The letter H. Just because.

They all love the piece, have given Zayn hugs and smiles and words of appreciation before moving onto look at his other works of moleskines on coffe shop desks and cups of tea on a window bench, and just good things, really.

Zayn’s anxious now though, because they’ve got five minutes to go and Eleanor isn’t here yet.

“Didn’t she say she was going to get her boyfriend? Tommy, or something like that?” Perrie asks.

“Tommy’s just his code name. And yeah, but how far does she need to go? I thought he lived near campus too.” Zayn reasons, playing with his capo.

Danielle rubs his back soothingly, and runs her other hand through Niall’s messy hair. “She mentioned that he was bringing a friend along. I don’t know where he lives though, she didn’t say. He probably doesn’t go here. They’re probably running late from picking him up. Listen, relax. She wouldn’t miss it on purpose, you know that.”

Niall punches Zayn lightly. “C’mon man, we’ve got to go set up. It’ll help.”

Begrudgingly, Zayn complies, and Liam follows, since he’ll be accompanying them on piano. They hook up the amps and adjust the mic stands, and pull up their stools as Liam settle on the piano bench. Everyone in the shop is excited and watching, and Perrie, Danny, Anthony, and Melissa are sitting at a table, with a few empty seats for Dani, El, Tommy, and Tommy’s supposed friend. He hopes El’s seats will be filled…like now.

Zayn can feel his stomach flop. He inhales, puts his capo on four, and exhales when they hear the front door open. He looks up, and it’s Eleanor. She’s smiling at him and he sighs in relief. He waves at her, and she waves back. There a boy with wavy hair in a swoops fringe and blue eyes and a killer smile. Eleanor motions to him with her eyes and mouths “That’s him!”

Niall audibly gasps with Liam, and Zayn looks at them. Niall leans to whisper in his ear. “That’s the guy! That’s the guy that was at Josh’s party with Harry!”

Liam nods in agreement. “I know that flippy fringe anywhere.”

And okay, this is disturbing. “That’s Eleanor’s boyfriend.” Zayn says.

Niall is visibly shocked, and Liam is too. Because what the fuck is this situation going to be like? They watch as she introduces them to the table, before arriving at their side by the stage. “Hi boys, sorry I’m late. This is Louis, my boyfriend. Louis, this is Zayn, my best friend, and Niall and Liam, my other equally best friends.”

She’s smiling, so Zayn smiles to make the situation seem lighter. “Hey mate! Nice to finally meet you! And I take it a happy one year anniversary is in order?”

Louis laughs, and Zayn has to admit, it’s a nice laugh. “Thanks! Your a month early, but thank you.”

And Zayn laughs too, because at least he remembers their anniversary. That’s another point he gets.

“So, want to tell me why we code named you Tommy?” Zayn asks, and Louis smiles.

“My last name’s Tomlinson. People nicknamed me Tommo for awhile, the name stuck, I suppose.”

Zayn nods in understand, and smiles at him again. “Makes sense to me.”

“Hon, go sit down next to Perrie. I’ll be there in a sec, just need to give Zayn a few comforting words.” Eleanor tells Louis sweetly. He nods, and as soon as he’s out of hearing range, Niall and Liam are jumping at the chance to notify her of her boyfriend’s “antics.”

“Eleanor, Louis, he’s gay! He was at Josh’s party a few months ago and he was there with Harry and-“

“Boys, I know.” She says, and that shuts them up.

Okay. Now Zayn is seriously confused. “You know?” He says lamely.

She nods. “That’s why we were late. And he isn’t gay you twats! He’s straight. This is why I have to say this quickly. After Harry moved out, and started going to Louis’ university, they became friends, just friends. But Louis transferred here to our university because the drama program here is better than his old one. Harry called Lou like a month after he transferred, said he missed hanging out with him and invited him to Josh’s party. And you know Harry when he’s drunk. He’ll flirt with anything with a pulse. Louis told me everything, said how awkward it was to deal with Harry like that, especially since Harry knows that he’s straight. I thought it was funny. But I didn’t know it was Harry until today, and-“

“Harry’s his guest. Isn’t he?” Zayn concludes.

Eleanor opens her mouth to say something, but shuts it when the front door opens and there’s a small gasp from beside him and at the table.

Zayn doesn’t even look to the door. Doesn’t need to. He knows.

He always knows.

Instead, he looks to Danielle and nods, and she moves immediately, knowing Zayn wants no room for any mishaps today. He looks to Eleanor and smiles, then pulls her into a small hug. “I love you. Okay? You’re my best friend and I love you, now go, sit and cheer me on. I’m not mad.”

Eleanor sighs, hugs him back tighter before she lets go, and sits down next to Louis.

Danielle steps up to the mic, and conversations in the Honeypot calm down as she speaks. “Thanks everyone for coming out to celebrate the third anniversary of the Honeypot! It means so much to have your appreciation, and we’re happy you could be here for this celebration.”

Everyone cheers, and Zayn’s starting to get fidgety. You can do this, Malik, he tells himself, You’re okay. You’ve been okay. I am okay, I can do this.

“So first up on our list of entertainers tonight, are Zayn Malik, Niall Horan, and Liam Payne. Let’s give them a warm welcome!”

The crowd cheers again, and Niall laughs as he leans to speak into the mic. “Thanks for that guys! So uh, we’re a bit new at this stuff so please don’t boo too much if we suck.”

That earns a laugh, and Niall smiles easily. Zayn can tell that he’s still in shock though, no matter how good he is at hiding it. Liam is just smiling, trying not to be too obvious as he tests the keys again. “So this is uh, our first try. And we’ll be doing a cover of ‘Endlessly’ by a band called ‘The Cab.’ Hope you all like it!”

Niall strums a few test chords, then nods at the both of them. Liam counts them in, and Zayn and Niall let out a harmonious G, D, Em, C, and Liam’s piano sounds damn good and he can feel someone smiling at him.

He ignores it as he opens his mouth, his eyes on the guitar as he sings. “There’s a shop down the street, where they sell plastic rings, for a quarter a piece, I swear it.”

This is going to be great. He thinks, as the crowd begins to cheer again and applaud, and Niall starts singing along with him. “Yeah, I know that it’s cheap, not like gold in your dreams, but I hope that you’ll still wear it.”

Zayn can hear the keys change, and then Liam comes in, and the three of them sound damn great together. “Yeah, the ink may stain my skin, and my jeans may all be ripped. I’m not perfect, but I swear, I’m perfect for you…and there’s no guarantee, that this will be easy. It’s not a miracle ya need, believe me. Yeah, I’m no angel, I’m just me, but I will love you endlessly. Wings aren’t what you need, you need me.”

They finish out the rest of the song, and when they strum the last Em, C, the crowd erupts and yeah, Zayn feels a bit badass right now. He, Niall, and Liam stand up, and take a bow, and the cheering gets louder. They step off the stage and are met with congratulations automatically. Zayn says thank you, accepts the congratulations from his friends and from Louis, and bypasses that one person. Not to be rude, no, just to…make sure that he’s still okay.

Zayn heads to the counter and smiles at the barista as she gives him a congrats, then says “What can I get for you today?”

“A medium red and passion fruit bubble tea. Actually, can you make that two?”

Zayn turns, looks toward the voice and smiles. He hands the barista a bill, doesn’t say anything when Harry takes the change.

Harry leans against the counter next to him, and Zayn can feel everyone watching them from the table as Danielle introduces the next act.

“That one yours?” Harry questions, motioning to a painting with his chin. It’s the one of Zayn’s kitchen table.

“Yeah, just did that a few days ago.” He says, and he’s shocked at how calm his voice is. Because he’s imagined a few scenarios of what would happen should he run into Harry again. And this wasn’t one of them.

He only nods though, then his eyes move to the next one. It’s The Courtyard. He smiles. “That one’s my favorite. Well have to go back soon, yeah?”

Zayn nods now, and Harry looks at Zayn now, and Zayn can’t help but melt a little. Because Harry’s taller than him now, and his eyes are so much more green than he remembers. His curls are cut down a bit, and he’s got a bit of facial hair and okay, Zayn’s gonna need to get used to that one. It’s different though, looking at him now. Because it doesn’t feel like a year has passed, it feels as if years have passed, while simultaneously, it did feel like only days. Not a whole year.

“Five sugars.” Harry says suddenly, and Zayn raises a brow at him.

“Pardon?” He questions, and Harry smiles wider, doesn’t break Zayn’s gaze.

“Nothing, just feel like I should explain myself.” Harry says.

Zayn cocks his head, stares. “Um, okay?”

“Five sugars in your morning tea. How you don’t like milk in it because it tastes like Thai Tea and you’re set on them remaining two separate beverages. That you like candles that smell like food instead of flowers and that you hate the crust on your sandwiches because you don’t think it should be there. How you shower with music on, but the music has to reflect your mood. That you have to go through at least five songs before you can get out. You’d rather be kissed on your lips than on your neck, and that you like tracing the features on my face like you’re trying to memorize them just incase.”

Zayn doesn’t say anything, takes it all in, then mulls it over in his head. He’s smiling though, can feel his cheeks starting to hurt. He remembers the first line of Harry’s sudden speech and his heart flutters. “My poem.”

“Yeah. I got it. I just…I didn’t know what to write back, you know? I thought you were moving on. Thought you were saying goodbye and giving up on me because you didn’t love me anymore. So I just didn’t say anything.”

Oh, oh, oh, okay. Zayn thinks, and blinks at Harry.

“When Josh threw that party, I knew, or I thought I knew that you’d be there. I thought I could explain then, but I brought Louis along so that he could kind of be my moral support, you know? And when you didn’t show, I got upset, I thought you really did move on. Niall and Liam were there and I knew they were upset with me, so I had a bit too much to drink. I could exactly tell them how I felt when I got your poem, so I…reacted badly. Louis was properly pissed at me, said he knew he was an affectionate person, but not like that, not like how I thought. He helped me through it, helped me realize that I made a mistake. This whole year Zayn, this whole year all I wanted was you. When I found out that Louis was dating Eleanor I was so happy because I thought I could get to you, but I didn’t want to use them like that. So I stayed out of their way. Figured they’d help when the time came. And when Louis mentioned the anniversary party last week, he told me that it was time I stopped running from you.”

“O…kay. So…you were running from me?” Zayn says, just to clarify, because this is a bit too much to take in after Eleanor’s little surprise.

“Not willingly. Only because I was scared.” Harry admits. He’s closer to Zayn now, in his space, and Zayn realises that they haven’t been like this, this close, in a year.

“Scared? Of?”

“That I’d break my promise. That by the time we hit three years, I wouldn’t be able to still love you. I’ve never loved someone so much, for so long, and I got scared. I got scared that I would break your heart, but I realized that I broke it anyway after I left. And two weeks ago, on our anniversary, do you know what happened to me?”

Zayn shakes his head, swallows down his nerves because Harry’s getting closer. The barista left their teas on the counter beside them, clearly not wanting to disturb, and Zayn feels like he wishes she should have, but not really. “What’ Harry?”

His motions are hesitant, but Harry places one hand on Zayn’s cheek, and the other on his hip, the way he did when he said goodbye, only now, it was a hello…so Zayn hoped.

“I realized that I’ve never loved you more than I did, that I kept my promise. I realized that I can’t love anyone else the way that I love you. You’re mine, Zayn. You always have been, and letting you go was do stupid. Seeing you up there today, I knew I missed out on a year of your life, a year I swore I’d be apart of. I don’t want to not be here anymore, Zayn.”

He can only nod. He knows he’s crying, knows that Harry’s crying too, but it makes no difference. Zayn knows he’s okay, over the heartbreak, ready to move on, but does it count if he moves on with Harry? Or is that cheating the law?

Harry leans in closer, till it’s Zayn breathing him in as he breathes out, and Harry slightly tightens his grip. “I said I’d always remember you, Zayn, didn’t I? I can’t forget you. I just can’t.”

Zayn nods, as if to say “okay, yeah that’s okay. Please.” And Harry takes that moment to close the gap, and slot their lips together.

It’s cliche, Zayn knows, but he can feel sparks ignite from within him, and he’s relieved, overly relieved because yeah, this is what he wants. Even after a year of hurting and trying to forget, Harry is still what he wants. And Harry wants him, so what’s so wrong with that?

When they pull away, there’s cheering nearby, and Zayn and Harry notice that their friends are closeby, smiling and sighing and Zayn knows that they’re all thinking “finally” because yeah. This year has sucked a little bit.

Harry leans his forehead on Zayn’s, and Zayn runs his hands down Harry’s hip when he brushes something rough on his pants. He looks down, and notices the red thumbprint.

Harry smiles, “‘The red paint on your trousers - from my thumb.’” He recites, and Zayn nods.

“You absolute monster, Harry Styles.” He mutters, but leans in again, swallows whatever Harry was going to say in a kiss.

-*-

Day 1,123 out of 730.

“Oi! Mates! Hurry up! If we’re doing this we’ve got to do it now! The sun’s going down and it’s get cold! Let’s go!” Louis called out. He takes off in a sprint, with Eleanor, Danielle and Liam hot on his heels, their clothes leaving a trail as they take off towards the lake. Harry turns to Zayn and wiggles his eye brows.

“You ready baby?” Harry murmurs, his fingers dancing over Zayn’s forearm. The sun’s setting the the distance, and Niall and Perrie and Melissa start running too, Danny and Anthony jogging behind them.

Zayn raises a brow as a challenge. “Born ready.”

They both take off running, leaving their clothes strewn about in a trial behind them like everyone else, and when they reach the edge of the lake, meeting up with everyone else, they all have no hesitation in jumping in. When they hit the freezing water, and they rise, everyone’s shouting and screaming, and they all climb out, grabbing their towels and wrapping them around themselves.

“Best skinny dipping day ever!” Louis exclaims, and they all laugh.

About an hour later, when it’s just twilight out, and they’ve carved Louis, Danny, Anthony, and Melissa’s names into the tree, they’re redressed and warming by the fire, Niall playing guitar for a back noise.

“This is the best Courtyard trip ever.” Perrie says round her bite of smores, and they all agree.

Harry nestles in closer to Zayn, his face nuzzled in the crook of his neck. They’re all happy, all satisfied. It’s starting to feel like it’s all normal again.

“What are you thinking about?” Harry whispers into his skin, and Zayn smiles, hugs him closer.

He presses a kiss into Harry’s hair, then murmurs “That freckle on your left bum cheek.”

And he can feel Harry’s cheeks get hotter, and they both share a small laugh. Harry tips his head up, kisses the underside of Zayn’s jaw. “You remembered.”

Zayn stares down, hazel orbs meeting emerald, and he smiles. “I will always remember you, Harry.”

-*-


End file.
